While I truly love hearing positive pregnancy stories ( ai did with Hudson), as well as women who have everything go pretty smooth with multiples, I also have been on the other side now where throngs didn’t go as planned. Complications in pregnancy did occur and affect my view of pregnancy. Theirs really 2 things that have been harder for me to process this pregnancy and I wanted to share, as I also believe that expressing them can help the burden be less heavy to carry. And can sometimes help another mamma feel less alone. So, I hope this might do just that. 💕
Believing everything is truly okay this time.
Up until this past week I’ve been so grateful for all good results and reports on this pregnancy. It’s a relief each week knowing everything is still okay and I won’t have to go to a high risk pregnancy center again. One of the hardest parts of this pregnancy though has been just that- believing that everything truly is good.
Last week I got some disappointing news that I more then likely have mild Polyhydramnios again this pregnancy. Honestly, we had made it past all the other issues that this was the only thing left that I was worried about. And it crushed me for a bit.
It felt like honestly this whole pregnancy was too good to be true that of course something had to be off. My negative thoughts really ran with this one after my last Dr. appointment. I had a good cry, got my frustration out in a good workout, and have truly just tried to give it to God. The Dr. is giving me 2 weeks to see if it will resolve if baby will get into head down position and the amniotic fluid regulates. If not then we’ll have to start NST’s and such.
But actually, I’m hopefully now. The days after my bummer news I’ve been really disciplining myself to think the most positive I can about this. That God can truly turn it around for me and baby. I believe He can if He decides too. He already has multiple times this pregnancy! I’ll know next week. Praying for His hand one again to heal. 🙌
My body image: the 2nd hardest part
When I was pregnant with Hudson I didn’t know what to expect as far as my body changing and growing in size. I knew it would happen I just didn’t realize how much.
By the time I gave birth to Hudson I truly felt like a whale. I just couldn’t believe how huge I looked.
With Felicity it felt even worse as I had diabetes with her and felt even larger at a faster rate than Hudson. I did not like it. I’m one who looks like they’re full term at 28-30 weeks, and so I get asked multiple times a week if I’m almost due. I have a really hard time looking in the mirror. I don’t want to peak at the scale, and it seems as if every single food I look at, including vegetables and fruit, just add another pound.
This 3rd pregnancy it’s felt just as difficult because I have worked so hard to not gain extra weight. Am I still measuring on track? Yes, but not if I look around and see other pregnant women. The other aspect that plays into the equation is that being larger can mean bad things- such as the polyhydromnios. So to know that the larger I grow the worse the condition may be, the scarier it is for me.
Is this something I can really change? At this point on my own no. I have done most everything I can all of this pregnancy to not have these same complications as my last baby except for one thing: stress.
My biggest enemy this whole pregnancy has been mental negativity- controlling my thoughts enough to not believe the worst case scenario.
I’m not proud of this, nor am I sharing for sympathy. And I’m not asking for tips and tricks to help it. No, I’m sharing because it’s a battle I face each day that I know others struggle with too. I’ve done all the things, tried all the tips, taken all the advice. But at the end of the day, no one can truly let go of it without only one persons help: God. I cling to Him each day in prayer as this pregnancy gets closer to the gift of meeting our sweet boy. I know he’ll get us through- He is faithful and His love unfailing.
Pregnancy is a beautiful experience, and it also alters your body so much in just 9 months. It’s a love/hard relationship that God designed so that in the end we would be able to have a precious family to in turn show them His love.
God is good. I can’t ever forget that. His steadfast love endure forever (Psalms 118:2). Whatever these next weeks hold, I’ll still believe it. 🙌
Blessings,
Xoxo Shantel
